Doubt thou that the stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love.

- William Shakespeare, Hamlet




I love you baby, more than you'll probably ever know... =)
Words can't express how happy I am to have you back by my side;
to know that I have someone to turn to when I am sad;
to know that there's always someone there to comfort me and pull me back on my feet when I fall;
to share my joy, my sorrow, just everything...
I love you sweetheart.
Don't ever doubt my love for you...
Cos I love you more than anything else in the world. =)

Current Mood: Happy, grateful, loved =)

Just awhile ago, I was approached by two little girls. They said that they are sisters from a single parent family and they are trying to earn some cash. I pitied them and so I said, "Ok, what are you selling." Then they opened a box with ice cream inside. I said ok, and I asked how much the ice cream was. And they said $16. I was shocked by the price but I didn't know how to reject them because I pitied them. And so I paid for it. When I reached home, I got scolded damn badly by so many people and I was even called names. Seriously, WTF... I've never been this angry for such a long time. I mean yes scold me if I did something wrong. BUT DON'T SCOLD ME FOR GOOD INTENTIONS. I already felt like shit for getting cheated, but then ya'll have to scold me and call me names. Do ya'll even consider my feelings? YES I'M STUPID, I'M GULLIBLE. I GET THE POINT! But don't call me names ok! =( Haiz. I feel so stupid.... Those 2 girls don't get scolded for cheating people, but I get scolded for pitying them... Why am I so gullible =(

Current Mood: sad

Ever since it happened, I've really matured in my thinking. I began taking all criticisms in and really accepting it for real. My mummy agreed to all the bad habits you pointed out. I really see myself doing something about it for the very first time. And it's really all for my own good. I've not been taking the cab, I've been punctual, I read the newspapers, I saved money (a lot for one week I'd say), I've sent in my applications for a few part-time jobs, I've tried to force myself to remember something I forget (and I really do remember!), and I've stopped scratching my itchy legs! =)
And of course, I've learnt not to quarrel with my siblings over retarded stuff. It really was DAMN childish of me to take revenge. I really see how stupid it was now. And I really see how stupid I was not to heed your advice, not until now. It's too late for us, but it's not too late for me to be a better person. I WANT to be a better person. And I will work hard to improve on myself. I know I can do it =) Cos I already am. I just need to make it a part of me now. I need to make it a permanent habit =) I'm really happy I could look at it in such a positive way. Wish me the best!

Current Mood: optimistic

What is love?
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.


Love lasts forever...

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
____________________


Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.
(1 Peter 4:8-9)


So what is love? Love is accepting a person for who he or she is. Whatever flaws a person may have, you still love him or her. Because love surpasses all things. You're not gonna promise to each other that you will not disappoint one another, because at some point you will. What is important is you don't go away, you don't escape, you don't leave one another just because you were disappointed. That's the meaning of fidelity. Love isn't hurt. But I've been hurt, hurt real badly, real deeply. I'm feeling a feeling I've never felt before, nor experienced before. It's tearing me apart. As much as I don't want to... I'm moving on. I'll take it all in and move on, because there's nothing else I can do but accept the fact. I just want you to be happy. I hope you're happy. Please be happy.

I thank God for my mummy... She lifted me up on my feet again. This is the first time I've actually confided in my mum about something that important to me. I've never spoken to her about my emotions before. And now that I have, I'm really glad I did. She's the best counsellor in the world. A mum's love for her child is unconditional. That's all the love I need. Thank you Mummy. I love you =)

I think I've been procrastinating this post for far too long... Or maybe I just didn't want to start talking about it because it might stir up some emotions again.
I guess I think a lot (unnecessarily). I write diary entries very often (that's why I don't blog so much. I mean some stuff are meant to be private anyway right). Every time I write, I remember...

In my most recent, I remembered...


Grandpa.

Current Mood: Missing you...

I finally could spend time with my grandpa today. I seriously hate my school time table and the hospital rules because they didn't allow me to visit my grandpa. =( He only has about 2 weeks to 1 month left now. And if he's strong enough, maybe 2 months.

I went over to my grandpa's house today. He was supposed to go to this hospital where all the patients there would just wait to die. But I'm glad the adults in my family weren't cruel enough to do that. Today was the day I actually took care of someone because I really wanted to. It's sad how a cancer can take your personality and your memory away from you so quickly. Just about 2 months ago, my grandpa was so lively and still had energy to carry my cousin's babies. Now, he can't even stand on his own=(

He doesn't even speak his own language now. He speaks in Malay! It's funny but sad at the same time. No one really understands what he's saying and all we can do is nod and say, "Ah. Orh. Mmm. Ok ok." When he's tired, he can't even sleep for more than 5mins. Because his eyes and body are tired, but his brain just won't let him sleep. So every 5mins after he lies down, he'll want to stand up again. So we'll carry him, put him on his wheelchair and push him round and round the dining room and living room. We did that about 8 times and it's so tiring. He scolded me because he wanted to turn right and get out of the house but I couldn't let him do that. So i pushed him elsewhere, and he flared up and started kicking his way there and pulling whatever is around him.

We could all see in his eyes that he was tired. But he just couldn't sleep. I've never felt this sort of pain in my life before. The pain of losing someone. I have lost 3 people in my family before, but I was too young to feel anything. But now that I know what's happening, I can't help but be miserable. He looked lost, tired, and scared. He knows he's dying. And he even passed my aunty a picture of himself a few days ago. He told her that he wanted it to be his funeral photo. =( How does it feel like to know that you are dying? I don't think I'll ever understand until it happens to me.

He turned violent a few times just now because he wanted to smoke. So he started shaking in anger and he threw his glass ashtray on the floor. 3 of us had to hold him down =( Then at night, wanted to take things to hit us. Once, he took a stool, and another time, his walking stick to hit us. But one thing about him is that he is VERY VERY STRONG! He just wouldn't let go! His grip was soooooo tight! My aunt said that if he didn't have cancer, he would still be very healthy and strong and would still live for very long just like my great grandmother (my grandpa's mum). I guess that's what you'll be if you actually fought in the war before. He even has a scar in the middle of his chest which was a mark from the war. Someone slashed him with a sword =(

Another thing I fear is my grandma. =(  Once my grandpa is gone, what would happen to my grandma. I'm afraid that she won't find the will to live anymore =( You know, I've never wanted to take care of anyone this much in my life before. But since today, I sincerely did. I fed my grandpa, gave him massages once in awhile, talked to him, and pushed him around in the wheelchair. I fed him noodles in the afternoon and at night, he came and steal my prata!!! He saw us eating and he wanted some, so I fed him=) I really don't want to regret not doing enough when he's gone and I know that I'll miss him deeply and so will the rest of my family. Everyone take others for granted while they are still healthy and lively, but only when their body starts failing and when sickness takes over, then they start taking care and noticing them. I am guilty of that. But I just want to take care of my grandpa for the rest of his days left now.

I love you so, so much Gong Gong. And I love you too, Po Po...
To me, both of you will always be the greatest grandparents in the world =)

Christmas last year.
The grandchildren.

Chinese New Year, this year.
Me and my Gong Gong.


The grandchildren + Great grandchildren =)

The whole family.


All the girls.


All the guys.


 

Current Mood: sad, helpless and afraid

(To learn more about the situation. Visit SaveJapanDolphins and view all the videos!)

Why are human beings so inhuman?! Dolphins are the only animals in the planet that will come to the rescue of humans. They love us, but why can't we love them back?

To the people who are involved in this barbaric act, "FUCK YOU!"
(And everyone who knows me well enough will know how angry and pissed I am to actually say that.)
Seriously, I'd love to see those humans get tortured the same way 10 times worse!
You can say I'm inhuman too! =)
But I choose animals over humans. So just SUCK IT UP! (as Poh Meng would say)
Haha =)

Please help me, Hayden Panettiere, Rick O' Barry along with many others to save these poor animals!
All we need you to do is to join SocialVibe. And add "The Whaleman Foundation" as your cause.
*** Please also help us to sign a petition to stop all commercial whaling.
All these will NOT cost you a single cent!


I can't wait for the documentary, "The Cove", to be out! I really wanna watch it so bad.
I'm so glad I came to find out about this. Because now I can do my part in saving animals!
Here's the trailer:

I URGE everyone to please do something!

Current Mood: anxious

 Recent updates!

We'll begin with Sunday. My family and I sent my eldest sister to the airport as she is going to Melbourne to study for the next 1 and a half years. I believe most of the people who are close to me, know that I can't stand my sister. I was actually looking forward to her departure! I said to myself, "I'm going to be the happiest person at home after my sis leaves." Before she left, however, she gave each of us in the family a card and told us to read it at home. I was damn surprised that I've got a card too. And in the card, she mentioned about the gap we had and the misunderstandings between us, and she hopes that that would change. Honestly when I read the card, I was fighting so hard to hold back the tears. And as surprising as it is going to seem, I just wanna say that I'll miss her and I love her. Because after all, she is my sister. I hope that things between us will change for the better as well, and I wish you all the best in your studies and I'll pray to God that you will be protected from the swine flu there. Please take care =)

Oh yes, how could I forget! Before we sent my sis off, Meng came over to my place in the evening to spend some time with me. I WARNED HIM NOT TO EAT THE DURIANS WHICH HIS GRANDMA BOUGHT! And yes. HE DISOBEYED ME! So, as his punishment (and because I hate durians), I forbid him to kiss me! All he was allowed to do was to give me a peck on my lips. Hahaha. He kept finding ways to force my head closer to his and of course I pulled away as hard as I could! It was so funny! Then, before he left, I wanted to take a picture of us, because we were in need of more pictures together!! And he exclaimed, "Yes! We need to take a photo! I don't care! We must take a photo to remember this day where you didn't allow me to kiss you!" HAHA! So here's the picture:



And yes, just a peck on the lips! =P

Current Mood: sleepy

This could have been just another day 
But instead we're standing still
No need for words, it's all been said 
In the way you hold me near 
I was alone on this journey 
You came along to comfort me 
Everything I want in life is right here 

Cause This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
I was not prepared enough 
To fall so deep in love 
This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
You were the first to touch my heart 
Made everything right again 
With your extraordinary love
No no no, yeah

I get so weak when you look at me 
I get lost inside your eyes 
Sometimes the magic is hard to believe 
But you're here before my very eyes 
You brought joy to my world 
Set me so free, I want you to understand 
You are every breath that I breathe

This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
I was not prepared enough 
To fall so deep in love 
This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
You were the first to touch my heart 
Made everything right again 
With your extraordinary love

From the very first time that we kissed 
I knew that I just couldn't let you go at all 
From this day on, remember this: 
That you're the only one that I adore 
Can't we make this last forever 
This can't be a dream 
Cause it feels so good to me

This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
I was not prepared enough 
To fall so deep in love 
This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
You were the first to touch my heart 
Made everything right again 
With your extraordinary love

This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
I was not prepared enough 
To fall so deep in love 
This is not your ordinary, no ordinary love 
You were the first to touch my heart 


I tell no lies to you, and I expect you to do the same. I'm not saying that you do, but I'm just saying..
The truth will always come out eventually, so why not just let it out now.
Why do I always find it out myself or from someone else, why not from you?
Even though the truth hurts, which obviously today I am, but I'd still rather know the truth.
White lie or black lie, it is still a lie.
You're not lying, but not telling me is as damaging.
And now, I just need time to get over it.

Current Mood: hurt

I have a huge dilemma! Basically, I WANT A NEW PHONE!

Either a Nokia E75

OR a Nokia N97


I prefer N97 now though, after much research! Haha.
BUT!!!! There definitely are buts..
This phone has not been released in Singapore yet, BUT very soon it will be.
However, when it's newly released, it will cost about $1028++.
Then I'll have to wait till it reaches about $300+ to $400+ before my mum would agree to buy it for me! =(
Me and my bro have been eyeing on this phone since LAST YEAR!
But I'm the only survivor left! Haha. He was too impatient so he bought himself another phone instead.

As for E75, I like it because it has both the keypad as well as the QWERTY keyboard. I'm the kind of person who might get bored of the QWERTY keyboard and would like to use the keypad again because it doesn't require me to look when typing (That's the lazy me if you still don't know). So yup, E75 would be a safe choice and the functions aren't all that bad, except for the little nip picking which is the slightly tiny screen. But other than that, E75 is still not a bad choice!

So.... The dilemma is, should I wait for N97, which I do not know when the price would drop enough so that my mum would purchase it for me, or should i get E75, which is already $300++ now. I like the functions of N97 more than E75 though. That's why there's a dilemma!!!!!!!

HEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: confused